Wednesday, December 31, 2014

10 Life Stories My Family Always Tells

Here are just 10 of the Life Stories that are always told at our family gatherings (they aren't all about me because I wasn't that funny as a child, I guess! It's fine though, now I'm hilarious.).


Me:


1) I always cried. Like constantly for the first 2 years of my life. I'm convinced this is a lie that was made up for no good reason. I mean, who could survive if all they ever did was cry?! And here I am, alive and well.


2) As a teenager, my 2 best friends and I always used each other's houses as "where we were spending the night" when we were actually sneaking off to an all night party. Every time, my one friend would forget her toothbrush or socks or something and end up asking me if she left them at the party...in front of my mother. To this day, my mom calls her the dumbest friend I have, with love.


3) My mom can't count how many of my friends she caught sneaking out of my brother's bedroom window when we were teens. He was apparently pretty cute.


4) My mom's baby sister (who was of legal drinking age) got me to spend the night with her when I was about 12. She then proceeded to the nearest daiquiri shop (we lived in Louisiana) to get our drinks for the night. My parents were there getting drinks too. They waved at her through an open window. And I was not allowed to spend the night with her again until she was "married and matured", per my parents.


5) Once, I thought my parents went to the grocery store at the other end of town. I took my mom's truck, went to a friends house down the road, and came right back home. They were at the gas station across from our house watching the whole thing.


My baby sister:


6) My sister was born when I was 15. She had a problem using the bathroom. We rubbed her belly and sang to her, "Come out poo poo, come out".


7) When she learned to crawl, she looked like a dog with one broken leg trying to cross the road.


8) Again because she had problems using the bathroom, when she started eating lotion - which she called lotious - my grandmother said to let her, it helped the poo come out.


9) When she was a toddler, we learned she passes out at the sight of blood. If she bled, she would yell "I'm blooding" and pass smooth out.


10) One year for school pictures, my mom sent her to school in what I can only describe as a dress made of curtains. There's proof of this one still. As beautiful as she is, that dress - the horror!


I've come to terms with the fact that we may never live these down.